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"Another month disappeared and still I waited. I was no longer sure whether Liverpool would offer me a new contract. The text messages flew in from the local football correspondents. ‘What’s happening?’ they asked me. ‘Have the owners been in touch?’ ‘Will you be here next season?’ They made up a loop of three interlinked queries and the answer to both the first and the last question was a simple ‘I don’t know.’ The middle question could be answered with a straight ‘no’.
We went to Newcastle on 1 November and lost 1– 0 in another fitful display. But attention after the game focused on my lack of a contract. Brendan was quizzed about it and he was as clear as he could be in the circumstances: It’s quite straightforward. I had a meeting with Steven’s representative explaining the situation. I very much want him to be a part of what we are doing here. He’s been a brilliant captain for me. I relayed that to the ownership. I’m sure everyone will go away with that and hopefully his representative will organize a deal. Steven is very much part of what I’m doing here. He’s a unique player; a unique talent.We waited another week and then, finally, Struan got a message from Ian Ayre. The club wanted to offer me a new deal. Could they talk? Struan arranged a meeting with Ian. It was a big day for me. I had high hopes for my final contract from Liverpool; but I just wanted to get it settled so I could get back to thinking only about football. Struan called me after the meeting, much earlier than expected, and I said to him, ‘How did it go? How long were you in there?’ Struan said, ‘Fifteen to twenty minutes.’ ‘Really? Fifteen minutes?’ Struan knew why I was surprised. It seemed like a very short meeting to decide the conclusion to my Liverpool career. Struan explained the situation. Liverpool had offered me a deal. But it was pretty much a case of ‘this is the offer’. There was no point in Ian and Struan talking for longer after such a clear message.Perhaps it was not meant for Liverpool and me to move into a twenty-eighth year together. It seemed as if I wanted them more than they wanted me. I was a bit unsure at that point. But I was also much calmer than I had been in 2005. Back then Ian’s counterpart, Rick Parry, had made me wait for a new contract even though we had just won the Champions League final. It had felt then as if my young blood was boiling. I was much more thoughtful at thirty-four. But I was also taken aback. I thought Struan and Ian would talk for an hour or so and we would move forward positively.In a fifteen-minute nutshell, Liverpool offered me a new deal. It was for a one-year extension with a 40 per cent pay decrease. The bonuses were very good but they contradicted everything that Brendan had said to me. Brendan had told me, in a different nutshell, ‘Look, you’re not going to start as many games. We’re going to manage your games and your minutes to make sure you’re fresh for the games that really matter.’ But the club were offering me bonuses for clean sheets, games that I’d start in, goals, assists and whether we finished in the top four. They were all part of the package. I was confused. My game time was going to become less and less but they were offering me a contract with performance-related incentives? I had no quibbles with the money being offered. If they had offered me that very same deal in the summer I would have been happy to sign it. But I had just walked away from England to commit myself to Liverpool. A substantial decrease in my pay was only to be expected. At thirty-four, I was not the player who had lifted the Champions League trophy ten years earlier. I also understood that I would have to play less – but I still valued myself as a top player and an important part of the team. I was still the captain and I was disappointed to be offered a performance-incentive contract after all my years at the club. I thought they would have known that, apart from pride in my own performances and an enduring love for Liverpool, I didn’t need any incentive to try my heart out. In a perfect scenario, Liverpool could have offered me a one-year deal which included the chance to make a transition to the first-team staff. Such a deal would have been more appealing than a year as a squad player. A year with Brendan and his staff would have been an invaluable experience – which players like Ryan Giggs, Phil Neville and Gary Monk had enjoyed at other clubs. I believed I could read between the lines of their offer. To me there was a stark message from Liverpool: whether we’re right or wrong, it feels like it’s time. Enjoy your last six months with us and then start afresh somewhere else.Five years and four months later it was my turn to be shocked. On 4 November 2014, in Madrid, Brendan fielded a deliberately weakened side. We were due to play Chelsea at Anfield on the weekend and he decided that Balotelli, Sterling, Coutinho, Henderson and I would start on the bench against Real. He supposedly wanted us fresh for Chelsea while he was banking on wins against Ludogorets and Basel in the final group games to take us through to the last sixteen. That was the night, tucked away in the depths of a dugout at the Bernabéu, when my disappointment ran so deep I almost made up my mind it was time for a change. If Brendan’s managing of my games meant that I would have to miss playing against Real, in Madrid, it seemed as if I had seen the end. How could I go on playing for Liverpool another year if these were the kind of empty nights that awaited me? I came on in the second half, with Coutinho and Sterling, and while it was only a 1– 0 defeat it did feel like Brendan had surrendered even before kick-off. My career would never be the same again."
